“You’ve stood by my side when any monkey in his right mind would have flown away.
The Great and Powerful Oz

To say my friends are a blessing is an understatement; in fact, I hit the friendship jackpot! All my life, friends have challenged and inspired me, shown unconditional love when times have sucked and been there with wine when they’ve been happy. My friends laughed with me, but even more importantly, they cried when crying was all I could manage. This post is a long due thank you to all my buds (and family) who’ve seen me without make-up, without words, and without a clue — and somehow love me anyway.

Marlene Dietrich once commented that it’s the friends you can call at 4 am that matter. I love mine way too much to test that too often, but I totally get it. When grief came calling, nearly every one marched right in and never left. That’s a pretty big deal. Grief is no picnic even for those on the periphery. Heck, if anyone sucked into that dark funnel cloud had a choice, we all would opt for door number two. But we had no choice; our friends do.

I think Oprah put it pretty well when she said “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Even the most super deluxe limo can break down, and if it does, you might just land in a ghost town where you don’t even speak the language. Awkward. When life-changing events come calling, even the closest friendships can be challenged. Maybe they’re daunted by the hurricane of your desolation and just don’t know what the heck to do for you. Some friends are too afraid, some will exit stage left and some, those strong, plucky souls, will bring you grace. No one can stop the storm but if we’re lucky, friends and family walk through it with us.

Unfortunately, there may be friends, even family members, who just won’t get it. I suspect that before own own knee-capping loss, many of us were also clueless. Having been rocked years ago by my brother’s death, I should have been more enlightened. Oh,  I did the wake, sent the cards, flowers, donations, hugs and said all the right things but I still didn’t know what I know now. The funeral is just the beginning. Continue reading →