If the Shoe Fits

Quirky Yogi Berra once said, “When you come to a fork in the road – take it”. Duh. That’s a pretty good reason to make this post the last on my Write Brain Widow journey.

I realized that to continue the trip, with complete authenticity, I’d need a new pair of shoes. So I packed up some dark chocolate caramel, a cool new pair of slides and the spirit of my handsome guy, who was the heart of this blog. With no destination in mind and no compass, I’m starting down the next path to see what’s behind door #2.

When I began this blog, I was a brand new widow trying to find my way through the maze of sudden, soul-decimating grief.(is there any other kind?) Through these last three years, I’ve learned that I can, indeed, be alone but not lonely; move forward but not on, and somehow grow in the process. I’ve learned to forge a new life without leaving the tender part of my heart that was my husband behind. All the posts of Write Brain Widow will continue to live in this space as well – to read or share.

The writing continues; it’s what I do. (And, hey, they don’t call my chatty chick for nothing) My words will just appear in a new blog  called ‘The Other Shoe’, which seems kind of appropriate to the unpredictability of life, no? In fact, I just wrote and posted my maiden blog there as a way of introduction.  As new thoughts, and kooky observations come, I hope you’ll continue to read and laugh and most of all offer your thoughts as well.

I’m am so grateful for the openness you’ve shown to my humble writing, for your encouragement and for becoming part of my ‘community’ and my search for a new self ‘without’. I thank each of you from my heart for what you’ve been to me here and hope that you’ll join me on the next leg of the trip at theothershoe.blog.

High heels optional.



Eat Dessert First

6d6e7a1682cdcf39ca17251d23435e7d-4047b61f6b501f5c23fa52da330400edIt’s been said that the only thing certain – is uncertainty. That’s as good a reason as any to hoover the rest of that cheesecake before dinner. Or maybe even make it dinner. But it doesn’t solve every problem, like say, those last five pounds you’ve been trying to lose. We’ve all learned, that even if we treat ourselves now, it won’t fill that cavern in pit of our stomach called ‘uncertainty’. That echoing vacuum has nothing to do with a yummy dessert or new pair of really great earrings (although they would be tempting). We try to fill the spaces, albeit temporarily, while we wait for the other shoe to drop.

And, somehow, drop it usually does.

Talking about that ‘other shoe’ was something I did a lot, because it usually fell – a lot. I’ve realized, after all these years and a lot of shoes, that some of that falling footgear was not always a crisis or a negative but a necessary. When Ernestine Ulmer quipped that “Life is uncertain; eat dessert first” I wonder where she was in her life. I’m pretty sure, wherever she was, the realization that everything in life is uncertain was pretty clear. Or maybe she just really loved dessert.

There are some things in our control and a whole lot that’s not. Control is an illusion. We can’t control the weather, the traffic, or someone else’s behavior. We can’t control cancer outcomes or pretty much anything really important. We buy insurance, we carry umbrellas and chug vitamins but nothing really cements a feeling of certainty. It’s a constant pervasive source of anxiety, and frustration. We start a new job, a new business. We become pregnant. We get married. Uncertainty is just one decision away. Continue reading